Ever monopolised the entire city's stock of 4GB RAM sticks on your desk? No?

What about sitting on a bus, daydreaming about scratching your arse while staring out the window, only to see a car (ridiculously) try to cut in front of the bus, followed by a THUD straight into your bus, and finalised by said car swerving straight into oncoming traffic and hitting another car in the process, rendering traffic on the Anzac Bridge to a complete halt...? No?

All in a day's work, my dears, all in a day's work.

I'll keep tight-lipped on the former, but as for the latter... yes, that happened yesterday. For such an epic series of events, it was surprisingly fortunate that no one was seriously hurt. Everyone on the bus was fine, the perpetrator was fine (probably just suffering from shame), and the car full of well-dressed professionals were fine, despite suffering a pretty ugly smash to the driver's seat.

Not to make light of the accident, but the driver in question was NOT Asian. Woman, yes, but not Asian.
(Just thought I'd put that out there... Hold yr tongues, you stereotyping scoundrels!) But I am both female and asian, and we all know what that combination means for driving skills, so i"ll just take one for the team here and say I caused the collision... hells yeah!

Aside from being a menace on the roads and in the workplace, I've been trying to reclaim my work-gym balance. I am a porker these days, and it is getting a little difficult to try to hide the triple chin.

At first I thought that growing a beard might do the trick, but then I realised that:
a) Rogaine is a bit difficult to source in this part of the world, and
b) If I were to grow facial hair, I'm more partial to mutton chops (pictured below) than any other type of thick and long, chin-camouflaging hair armour. (Hairmour?)

So I quickly learned that the solution lies in the more traditional means, of which I used to be so diligent! This means regular exercise and a permanent ban on hash brownies. (By that I mean hash browns of course...)

So I've come to learn that by the time I get home in the evenings (earliest ever being 7:30 pm), I am a lethargic sack of cow dung. I then need to haul myself to work out in the mornings prior to leaving the house at 8 am. And last week, I was magnificent! I managed to pry myself out of bed at 5:30 am for a twenty km bike ride both Wednesday and Thursday morning. This week was a write-off, so uh, let's move on to some quick photo-booth camwhoring...



You know, I'm actually quite impressed with the chin curtain and goatee above. Does it look like a promising summer look? Does the assertive facial hair finally match my handshake? (I give a mean grip. None of this limp fish bullshit...) Do I look older than my twenty-one years, wiser perhaps?

The questions are endless, Dear Readers. I want your uncensored opinions.

Spring has well and truly sprung! I took advantage of the delicious weather about two weekends ago by frolicking in the yard:




But these days, I am about as interesting as a glob of licked Nutella off a spoon - not so delicious because you realise that the hazelnutty goodness is coated in slobber and a myriad of diseases probably ranging from Hepatitis to the Black Plague of 1348. I am clearly an Occupational Health and Safety hazard.

But to toot my own horn just a little, I am forcing myself to be diligent with my music. Throwing around the excuse of 'having no time' is no longer an option. For the past week and a half, I have locked myself in the study, just writing and recording during every piece of downtime I've had. I've completed two tracks with reasonably full instrumentation, and I've got one (novelty) track in progress. I daresay the novelty track will make an appearance on the YouTubes in the near future, but if you happen to be of the select few who read this thing and want a sneak preview, here is the first minute and a half of the track. It's called 'A song about B.O.' and fully inspired by my little sister.

I'm also now in love with salsa dancing and classical music, maybe in that order. Over the past month, I've probably stumbled into eight salsa classess. Whodathunk I'd ever enjoy my salsa just with hips and without guacamole?! (Awful joke.) I managed to go to my first (and to this date, last) Zumba class ever, AND I AM SMITTEN. But Zumba will probably turn into yet another unrequited-affection-type-ordeal I'll end up writing a sad song about, since my schedule is not conducive to honing this love affair. Le sigh.

And as for classical music, I'm totally injecting culture into my veins and opting to listen to the Classical FM station during my drives. Debussy, Tchaikovsky and Satie, I love you. Age (and one-sided polygamy) is no hindrance, I promise...

Anyhow, I best be off. I start work at 7:15 tomorrow, which means this beast best be up by 4:50. Goodnight and am hoping to type to y'all again soon. I know I've said that before. But just think of me like that awful girlfriend who promises to change - she'll promise to quit being needy and whiny, and that she'll quit flirting with all the supple young law students. And although she doesn't change, you keep coming back despite better judgment because the milkshake. is. just. that. good.

And maybe also because she slips Rohypnol in everything you drink, tells you to 'Put the lotion in the basket', and keeps you chained in the basement next to her past three (decapitated) boyfriends.

I leave you with something sweet:
(A screenshot of me e-picking Daddy's nose during a Skype chat)


And I leave you with something not so sweet:
Disclaimer: if horror / psychological thrillers / dismemberment isn't yo thang, DON'T CLICK.

xx N

Posted in: babyporridge nikki malvar original music facial hair collision on Thursday, October 28, 2010 at at 8:22 PM 5 comments  

Dear all,

It has been about five months since I crafted a thorough, substantial, and not ridiculously vague post. Not that children are crying and riots are buzzing on account of my absence, but I'm the kind of gal who doesn't take risks. I'm the kind of gal who doesn't take risks on not keeping the people of the internets up date with her shenanigans.

The story starts in between waking and dreaming, in between pulling out wedgies and wishing I had more time to body pump and facebook prowl. Somewhere along the line, let's say April, I got a job in a global fruit store - a place iconic to (traveling & local) youtubers, and where the tech savvy generally bow their heads to and subsequently cream their pants at.

After finishing university last November, my vague plan for this year was to work part time (say, three, maybe four days a week) just to have some money in the proverbial butt pocket, and I could spend the rest of my days being fruitfully creative - maybe knuckling down and getting serious with churning out some tunes and working on the photography skillz.

Suffice to say the year hasn't really gone according to plan. But in no way am I complaining.

About six weeks into the job, I was asked by the Business Manager of this global fruit store to come on board his team. I dutifully agreed... and have since relinquished the cruisy part-time hours for a ten-to-six, five working day, full-time load.

So for the past five months, I've not had the time and opportunity to really hone any creative undertakings (which is a shame), but I have found a happy routine, a constant income, fantastic new creatures to add to my social circle, and I'm a learnin' learnin' learnin'.

That's kind of where I'm at. And because I kind of want to hit the sack, I'm gonna scrimp on the paragraphs and do a (very hasty and certainly incomplete) highlight / lowlight analysis of the past few months.

Win: I turned twenty one and my awesome work team got me a cake, and my family took me out to dinner and totally tried to get me drunk:



Fail: I turned twenty one and now have to be accountable for my actions, which is coincidentally married with the fact that I SEEM TO HAVE GONE DOWNHILL RIGHT AFTER TURNING TWENTY ONE. (By no means am I referring to lame ass driving misdemeanors...)

Win: I had a freaking sweet time at my 21st (which deserves a post in itself)



Fail: ...Maybe too freaking sweet of a time.


Win: I may or may not have developed a new handsome and debonair infatuation, plus the associated thrill and the stomach butterflies.

Fail: It is unrequited!!!!

Win: Spring has most definitely sprung. It maketh me happy. I like more colour in the world and the expelled necessity of having to wear more clothes.


Fail: Summer is nearing and I am HARDLY at bikini body status. Fail fail fail is the fact that full time work means a) the lack of time for beastly gym sessions (or even mild gym sessions at that), and b) the convenience and accessibility of shitty-straight-to-my-arse food. I have absolutely packed on the pounds and am so much plumper this year. Must get back to this (sans creepy expression):


Win: I have made a steel resolve to whip my arse back into gear. I ran my first 5kms (in months!) tonight. I also dogged Friday night socialising and spent the night at the gym instead getting re-acquainted with weights, a 20km bike ride, light jogging and arse-eating-stair-master. I copped it from Kristy and Tim via txt txt txts. I copped it bad. (Sorry guyyys... Ehe.)

Fail: Being a dog / retaining my social pariah status.

Win: Going through some spring cleaning and being absolutely ruthless with accumulated junk. GONE (for the most part). My wardrobe is now manageable! My room is now clean! I am still a vapid camwhore!






(Oh look, just a few pairs I thought would be worthy of being photographed...)


Anyway, that's all I got for now. I don't know how I ever coped without my new favourite toy...


Love,
Nikki

& oh, P.S. I am a little jealous of Hayley's rapport with her readers. Who am I kidding, I'm A LOT JEALOUS. I want the same thing. I want people I can know by name. I want to grow my own legion, a microchosm even, of minions to do my bidding, which may include plucking my nose hair and teaching me how to be charming. Dance, my minions, dance! By that I really mean I want to start a new. If you're a new reader, or an old reader I've never heard from, I'd love it if you could introduce yourself, tell me something about you. I mean, if you're here and reading, we've got to have a mutual interest, right? Right?! Could be fun... or just leave me to wallow in my own feces. Heh.

Have a fine night, lambchizzles!

Posted in: babyporridge nikki malvar workaholic 21st birthday win fail recap on Sunday, September 5, 2010 at at 10:28 PM 23 comments  

I just burped some hearty butter chicken.

Usually, an action like this would see me emitting a small chuckle and a satisfactory grin on fondly recalling a fulfilling meal. But this time, the residual aftermath left me the sordid taste of barfing my guts up on Saturday night.

Oh, what's that? I barfed my guts up on Saturday night?


You bet your little cotton bottoms I did. Now I realise this is not something upstanding members of society look upon with kindness or pride... but I have decided that there is no longer room for shame in my life.

The above picture was tagged of me on facebook the morning after some epic festivities. (More on this later.) At first I was mortified. But then I remembered that I, Nikki Malvar, am comprised of 1 part normal and 7 parts ridiculous, and hence laughed myself into oblivion, and decided that I would man up and choose NOT to untag myself from such a photo.

And now here it is, garnering its little spotlight, in my vastly-neglected blog.

What prompted such a ludicrous display on Saturday night? It was my Roaring 21st shindig. (It was roaring alright... in my head!) But do not let the above picture sully your impressions! It was, in actual fact, a beautiful evening. So special and memorable, thanks to an ample number of people who absolutely deserve thorough mentions. And I do want to dedicate a complete post on the evening, but in keeping with the subject of this blog entry, ('Nasteh.') I believe it prudent of me to save that for tomorrow, and instead keep on with the theme.

So before I bid you adieu, the following things are 'Nasteh.':
* Coughing myself concave. As in, I have no mucus left to coat the throat. (I took up with the flu yesterday)
* Side-swiping a cement-rendered post of my house with my vehicle, just metres from reaching my trusty garage space
* My recent attempt to rekindle my poetry-writingz: (Roses are red / Violets are blue / I don't do romance / Can I just do you?)
* Having a 7:30 am start at work tomorrow, on the other-side of town. Thankfully my boss took pity on my ailing ways and said I could come in at 9. (Not so nasty after all, eh eh eh!)

See y'all tomorrow. I have tales. And pictures!
xx

Posted in: Nasty shiz on Thursday, August 12, 2010 at at 10:07 PM 1 comments  

I never have any time to update or pour fourth my verbal ramblings because I sold my soul to Steve Jobs. Just know I am having a blast and a half. I turn twenty one on Friday. It's official, I have missed the window of opportunity of ever calling myself a child prodigy - brb, must cry!

Posted in: YO on Wednesday, July 21, 2010 at at 10:03 PM 5 comments  

I'm giving myself all of three minutes to write this entry... which is a bit impossible because it is freezing around these parts. I am (unsuccessfully) attempting to keep my hands warm... by sandwiching them under my butt and on top of the computer seat, and not leaving them naked and poised on the keypad.

Also, I punished an entire bottle of Pink Muscat Sparkling Wine so I am a little bit delirious, a little bit sleepy, and a helluvalot burpy. I know, I'm sire you haven't forgotten just how attractive I can be.

I got up to a lot today. That is all.

I'll save it for next time why I actually got up to a lot today, why it is I devoured that bottle of bubbly, why I'm never around anymore, why I'm approximately 60m wider, and why it is fried eggs just never come out quite right... and yes, I realise I said "Watch this space, I'll be back, blah blah" last time... but you're just going to have to get accustomed to the fact that liars deserve your pity. OKAY?

GOTTA GO. I REALLY NEED TO SLEEP NOW IF I WANT TO WAKE UP EARLY ENOUGH TO BASH THE TREADMILL BEFORE BEAUTIFYING MYSELF FOR WORK, ON ACCOUNT OF I WAS NOT ABLE TO TREADMILL TONIGHT BECAUSE IN THE CROSSROAD OF LIFE FOR THE 5TH OF JULY, 2010, I CHOSE INEBRIATION OVER PERSPIRATION.

Hoohah.

Posted in: on Monday, July 5, 2010 at at 11:11 PM 4 comments  

It's been over two months, dirtbags! For all we know I could be in jail, I could have produced twin spawn named "Gerard" and "Depardieu", or worse... I could be the face of Skanky Tans United.

Much to update. Watch this space. How are we all?
x

Posted in: on Sunday, June 6, 2010 at at 10:45 PM 6 comments  

Currently updating while my lips are stained bitch red. No apparent reason really, except for the fact that I am a big kid and find no greater thrill than playing with newly acquired things! I love me some new red lipstick, yo!

I'm in Manila, and have been for the past week and a half. I came here with the sole purpose of nursing my grandfather back to health, and it is for that reason that I tiptoed quietly into this country and told no friends of mine of my arrival. Scummy or wise? You decide.

No, but really, I love my pals here. I love the thrill of perpetual socialisation, the constant menagerie of faces faces faces, but I didn't want any distractions... save for seeing my papa and hitting my local fatness first.

Lolo has been doing much better. When I first arrived here, he was thin and frail (having lost 10lbs since the last of his surgeries), doused in black bruises (around the neck, chest, arms and thighs) from where he was operated on, sleepy all the time, and generally grumpy. He didn't speak much, on account of losing his voice from being operated on there, and he refused to eat, having lost his tastebuds, and subsequently his appetite.

I can happily say that after a week of constantly massaging his bruises and applying some trusty Arnica cream, they've disappeared for the most part. We've been fixing him his meal-replacement drink as well as attempting to coerce him to eat, and his appetite is slowly coming back, along with his voice and a jolly disposition. Today we went through his second cardio rehab session, and I am grateful to see the progress.

Anyhow, it's one in the morning. Gotta wake up in a few hours for a photographic adventure via Manila's rail stations tomorrow, so I leave with, you guessed it, a (nostalgic) picture dump.

I've just counted; I was in Manila four months ago, and it was a completely different experience then. Without further ado, here is a picture dump of Manila shennanigans from November 2009:

Posted in: babyporridge, bitch red lipstick, grandfather health update, manila, picturepost on Monday, March 22, 2010 at at 1:55 AM 9 comments