What the above still image neglects to convey is the ridiculous extent of effort required to get to that particular spot. When I say 'ridiculous', it is on par with the ridiculous idea that I might one day find a more fulfilling lover than McDonald's apple pies.

For the past few weeks, Hannah and I have been frequenting a small river-town, about an hour from the Sydney CBD, chasing up a story about homelessness for our television journalism final project. What makes this story interesting is that in this particular area, the residents don't view the homeless as a concern. Mutual respect is passed around like roast baby l'orange at a cannibal Christmas dinner. Overwhelmingly, the residents view the homeless as unofficial bodyguards.

Anyway, as we make reference to some of these homeless as 'cave-dwellers' in our news package, footage of the caves was crucial. Cue three hours of trekking through unpaved, unfamiliar mountainous bushland with heavy-arse HDV camera and tripod in tow. Now, Hannah and I are no typical damsel weaklings; we are both loyal body pump class veterans. We lift weights on a regular, voluntary basis, but SHIT MAN, this was some tough shit, the way I would expect shit to be tough after a month-long fibre-deficiency... Um.

But I digress. Old readers of mine would know of my incompatibility with journalism in general, but I really enjoy video journalism. Perhaps it's more to do with the 'video' part than the actual 'journalism', but I absolutely engage with this subject. This particular project has definitely challenged some of my perceptions about homeless people. And it's not that our perceptions set out to be automatically malicious, they're often just the tragic function of embracing stone-carved stereotypes. I just have to say though, that I did not expect such depth out of some of the characters we interviewed.

But that's enough blah blah, here is a still of the ever-gorgeous Hannah during her piece-to-camera:

And one of my favourite stills:


In other news, I'm slowly recovering from the flu. I managed to go to the gym thrice this week, but there is still Saturday and Sunday, so perhaps I may be able to edit this sentence to say "I managed to go to the gym five times this week". It astounds me how quickly I can lose endurance just by missing a week of exercise. Ugh. But you know, I will be astounded if in the future, I ever enter into a relationship with the male species that rivals the gym. I have a very consistent and stable relationship with fitness first, ahaha.

Sorry this post has been flat like a pre-pubescent (til-even-present day!) me. I'm just exhausted, and the week ahead looks like a certain shade of despair. Three final assignments due. Please keep an eye out for my name in next weekend's obituaries.

x

Posted in: homelessness, journalism, picturepost, television journalism, university, video on Friday, May 29, 2009 at at 8:41 PM 7 comments  

In today's blog, we will attempt to cover the most pressing of society's questions, such as "What one does when one is at uni hours before when necessary?" & "In the first place, why is one at uni hours before the necessary time?"

These are questions I ask myself on a daily basis, & by 'daily', I might actually mean 'today, Wednesday, the 8th of April'.

You see, when one is car-less, on account of being rear-ended & having to deposit said car at smash repairs, one then relies on scabbing lifts off unsuspecting parental figures who LEAVE ATROCIOUSLY EARLY IN THE MORNING... Okay, so maybe not quite that atrocious, but this here is my blog & I can be as ungratefully-turdy as I please...! :D

Perhaps I will take this opportunity to recount yesterday's epic(ally shameful) public toilet incident.

So, I'm in the cubicle, doing as I do, & I notice that the cubicle door floats slowly towards me. When I remember that ghosts don't actually have concrete edges, I come to the next logical conclusion that it is actually not a ghost, but the cubicle door which I forgot to lock. FAIL

I take the opportunity to "BAHAHA" & tell Min (who is waiting by the toilet sinks) about my recent lapse in toilet privacy. It becomes a cathartic moment in my life, & I proceed to chronicle my 'toilet memoir' as she puts it, exclaiming "GOSH DARN THIS IS THE LONGEST PISS OF MY ENTIRE LIFE" & "WOW, IT IS ALSO THE MOST SILENT".

After which she kindly informs me that we were not alone.

When it comes time to enter the big bad world of facing the consequences of the tongue's betrayals, I was totally cool. You know, not turning as red as ketchup but only slightly so like diluted kecthup! The girls have politeness in tow & don't ridicule me (out loud), so I totally had my dignity intact.

Until it came time to washing my hands.

Unable to get in sync with the automatic sensor, I flail madly, & essentially end up receiving a nice cup of shower. I stood under the hand dryer for the next few minutes, to the sounds of Min's laughter & the crumbling of my self-esteem. Needless to say, I made a fine candidate for how to successfully, & not maliciously, impersonate the elite of this world.

But here, in an attempt to validate myself & appear more sensible than reality actually gives me credit for, a picture from tv journalism coursework:


Kay, I don't know how to end this thing more inspiringly than to say, "Eat my shorts!"

Posted in: babyporridge, nikki malvar, pee, picturepost, public toilet misadventure, toilet memoir, tv journalism, university on Wednesday, April 8, 2009 at at 9:53 AM 4 comments  

It has come to my attention that:
a) This blog has undergone some serious neglect like Jessica Simpson's torso, &
b) I would like to make an apology to Jessica Simpson for crafting analogies at the expense of her weight & possibly self-esteem. I will have consolation in the fact that she will never read this.

Now, if you are of the Nikki Malvar variety, this post may be relevant as a documented archive of recent thoughts & occurrences. If you are not of the Nikki Malvar variety, however, this post may be as useful to you as a dead fly in your expensive lobster bisque.

So here, things & stuff:

1) I watched Coldplay & they were phenomenal. To make further comment would be a grievous understatement of their performance, & would be an injustice (almost) worse than poverty!

2) In the past two weeks, I have consumed more cereal than in my whole life combined. Why? Because I hate cereal with as much hate as tastebuds can muster, & I have been clinging to this very idea for the past nineteen years... Up until my ma introduced me to the sexual revolution that is Sanitarium's 'Light N Easy'! (Hot damn, product placement! :-O)

3) I think Rihanna is an idiot. The previous sentiment has been slashed out after considering the uproar that might possibly have ensued for its lack of tact. I have instead decided to say, "I think Rihanna needs to get the hell on out of that relationshit with Chris BrownBlackNBluiser". I realise I don't know these people personally, & frankly never will. I realise that there is emotional investment & a previous history, I realise this, I do. But Rihanna dear, aside from domestic violence as being, you know, illegal, the fact that he hurts you is demonstrative of his disrespect. The fact that you stay for this kind of treatment is indicative of your own lack of self-respect. Walking away is undobtedly difficult, but you are worth more than sticking around to be the black, blue & red paint of some retarded artist's canvas.

I don't even like you, Rihanna, but I am willing to teach you a thing or two about the Japanese art of Origami. & a little side of roundhouse kicks & uppercuts.

4) I have a small bruise on my left thigh, also from my favourite lover. Incidentally, I will not be taking my own advice because it is with firm resolve that I will stay in this physically-driven affair. FITNESS FIRST, I STILL LOVE YOU DESPITE THE FACT THAT I WALK INTO YOUR EQUIPMENT ON ACCOUNT OF I AM CLUMSY.

5) I cook a damn good mushroom risotto. Future husbands of mine ought to be fond of carbohydrates because risotto is the only damn good thing I can make, aside from the occasional microwaveable canned soup.

6) My recent guilty pleasure has taken shape as Katy Perry. My musical sensibilities dictate that I can only like the Debussys & the Chris Cornells of the world! But oh sweet Jesus, the infectious pop has found a place in my heart, like heroin in the bloodstream! Like undigested gum in the bowels! YERRR LIKE IN AN INDIANNN SUMMAAAR IN THA MIDDAL OF WINTAAAAR!

7) My mother's Caesar salad is delicious. If I had a Caesar salad rank board, it totally sits in the top ten . Also, I may have tasted maybe all of eight Caesar salads in my life. Delicious, I say!

8) I am entirely frustrated with university & everything associated with academic responsibility. Each subsequent journalism class I attend just confirms how this is not the profession I want to enter. It's hard news, straight-cut reporting & chasing the important kahoonas for their two cents worth, & I am a lady of embellishments &, at best, a trembling sack of shit. I'm in my final year, & at the end of this year, I will have a degree in Communications, which hopefully I will not need to use. Come on artistic breakthroughs, come to mama! I am terrified of the big bad world of post-studies employment. The recession isn't doing much to appease this weary heart either.

Oh dear.

Posted in: babyporridge, caesar salad, carbs, chris brown, coldplay concert, food, mushroom risotto, nikki malvar, rihanna, university, webcam on Tuesday, March 17, 2009 at at 7:55 PM 13 comments