indulgennnnnt.

today i was an absolute glutton for self-indulgent behaviour.

the concept of sleeping in is as familiar to me as a mirror to amy winehouse. my days often start at six, seven, & even sundays i wake up at seven thirty to catch an eight thirty body pump class at fatness first. I WOKE UP AT TEN THIS MORNING...& while it may not be that momentous for anyone else but me, those extra three hours of r.e.m. & its cyclical ways were sweet sweet occasions of triumph, like the first time riding a bike! like telling your dad to 'take one for the team' after he talks about the life insurance windfall to come in case anything happens to him!

my justification: yesterday i rose at five forty in the morning because i had a six thirty (til three!!) shift, & only stumbled home past one thirty from the nouvelle vague gig... which, incidentally was phenomenalamazingmindblowinglylifealtering.

just in case my sporadic fusion of adverbs & adjectives did not aptly convey my sentiment, it was, uh, good.

i have a terrible case of lust for one of the two nouvelle vague chanteuse's - nadeah miranda - her voice, poise, amazing genetics, & unparalleled caliber of sex appeal was enough to fill the room with standing ovations... in the pants. (ohohoh see what i did there?!)

picture of nadeah miranda clearly not taken by these shaking hands & clearly not used with permission from sendell on flickr (thank you, whoever you are):



anyway, back to my self-indulgent ways... my fiesta of siesta was matched by my shopping. i purchased assorted christmas-related objects, a dress, four pairs of shoes, self-tanning shiz (because i want to be orange!) & some goodbye cellulite that damn-better-well be potent like kevin federline's nasty bizness!



financial crisis, i bite my teenage thumb at you!

& just because i feel like it, i will disclose the youtube comments that really get my blood boiling. surprisingly, it's not the "your* ugly / fat / stupid / lame / boring, you stupidasian / bitch / whore / slagtitpoopmothertruckingcrackwhale" comments. (* means that grammatical prowess has been retained for accuracy).

rather it's the ones that read, "you have too much time on your hands, get a life," mainly because it's quite le contraire. i really don't have too much time on my hands. in fact, without making videos, i already struggle to keep up with work shifts, academic responsibilities, household duties & minimal social interaction. when i make videos, i do so at the cost of something else. i extract myself from social situations or i edit away during hours that should be spent sleeping because when it comes to art & some kind of creative expression, i will & i do rearrange my priorities around it.

in recent times, i've come to acknowledge that my life is art. my life is creating. not much gives me the same kind of satisfaction & fulfillment from a finished product, irregardless of its quality. sorry that my definition of 'life' does not conform to your closed-minded perceptions of it being a weekly occurrence of empty beer bottles, a thousand pictures with my pouting hot friends at hip locations like a club bathroom or on youporn.com's premium collection, smoking at a parking lot all heavy-eyelinered & setting ducks on fire, & shoplifting chocolates at kmart.

so sincerely sorry that my lifestyle may actually contribute to a small iota of worth when i grow up. shove it up your filthy asses & get burning hemorrhoids in the process, mother truckers!

...i'm so disillusioned with relative exposure, can you tell? i don't understand how you youtube elite put up with it. goodnight.

short & superficial



went to le bull last night because rose demanded that we partake in the viewing pleasure of her guitar idol, who was on drums that night. my ears are still ringing, but it could quite possibly just be my electric fan & the jarring sounds of the neighbours' pavement being, you know, re-paved.

matty of the rockstar variety was also in my vicinity by fluke, i say, fluke! he had the set before rose's to catch... this odd timing business is wickedinsane.

anyway, happysnaps of rose, nerida & i:




aaaaand, nerida looks like cate blanchett...yes yes oh yay?!

self-reflection & the subsequent waaa waaas



the lack of blogging is not an indication of the dullness of my world & the lack of worthy things to write bout. if anything, it's the exact opposite.

since my last post, i've started about five separate entries on five separate occasions, with fingers itching to spill spill spill & preserve words, emotions & the whiteness of afterthoughts. the thing is, i take this process of preservation very seriously (lame, i know). much like the egyptians just couldn't skip brain-extractions-through-nostrils & proper embalming, & still call it 'mummification', i can't just write one dismissive sentence on things momentous & expect to feel fulfilled with my blogging quota.

if i can't write about something with the depth & the justice it needs, i'd much rather scrap it to the legions of my memory instead. aaaaaand this is probably (& unsurprisingly) called being obsessive compulsive in most modern societies, BUT THIS IS JUST HOW THIS NIKSTER TICKS, OKAY.

anyway, last week i was privy to something momentous, something set in motion through my own accord. it took a lot of sleepless nights of fine tuning of words, anxiety, tears, but most of all, conviction. it wasn't momentous for what it was; it was momentous because for once, i acted on something i believed in. complete honesty is a terrifying thing... but as fulfilling in its wake.

i did establish that this was going to be a long post, but i'm much too drained to even get to the guts of what this post was going to be about. in order to really clear my head & start fresh with this new year, i wanted to list & acknowledge the things that are weighing me down, as well as list & acknowledge the things that will keep me optimistic this new year. maybe tomorrow. it's for my personal clarity, more than anything.

for now, i leave with the enthralling parting words of, "I WANT MY GYM GLOVES BACK".
i left my gloves at the gym several weeks ago, & proceeded to check lost & found the next day. no luck. the other day, my mother saw someone wearing my sweaty, bacteria-ridden, iron-pumping gloves.

i fully emphasise that they were my gloves because i bought them overseas two years ago & hence that style was & is not procurable in australia. :(

speaking of endorphins, eating gives me the same kind of satisfaction as working out. the following are visual representations of what i ate & what i didn't eat at the bakery's christmas party dinner. the chicken rigattoni in spinach cream sauce was absolutely divine! & the chocolate drenched waffle & my mouth missed the chance at some sweet, sweet procreation because i stupidly ordered the apple & rhubarb crumble... which tasted like crappy porridge, & hence, does NOT deserve a picture. hmph.




& because people are sometimes fun to look at, here is rose hiding behind her hands because apparently she likes monkeys (her shirt told me so), plus renata & i being gangster, or maybe just odd.




& ONE MORE THING.
david who approached me today, if you're reading this, which you probably aren't, thank you very much for conversation. i can't tell you how much i appreciated a little boost of faith in humanity (:

basically, at work, this man (to be later known as david), approached the counter & said, "you're hilarious!" i assumed he had seen me dancing & prancing around the bakery, generally fulfilling the dictionary definition of 'strange'. instead, he spoke of how i had served him the other day & how i looked familiar & it clicked when he saw my face on youtube. he was just incredibly encouraging & lovely & telling me to quit wasting my time at the bakery & get the hell on out to where i can play with talents. it was just unexpected & refreshing. in all honesty, i have been feeling sensitive about all the recent negativity on my videos mainly because of the circumstances i've got on my plate at the moment. the straw may be almost weightless, but eventually there will be the one that breaks the back. my inability to brush nasty words aside with grace are these straws right now, & as superficial as this may sound, david's validation & dismissal of those people... could not have come at a better time.

anyway, exhausted, exhausted.
one fourteen a.m. & i need to get up bright & early to do some laundry before i jet off to le bakery. again. i used to love christmas until i started working in retail. ugh. happy freaking thursday.

i just sneezed all over my keyboard.


acquired ze green p's just in time for ze approaching christmukkah season! that's right, my baby greens shit all over your red p's & yellow l's. i can legally drive ten km's higher than previously allowed, oh mirth & rapture! (i don't want to hear anything from all you full gold-licensed beasts. I WILL THROW YOUR BALD PATCHES & WRINKLES IN YOUR FACES, old cretens!)

anyway, i was ragingly fired up last night. about circumstance. about honesty & it's complete lack thereof. & i was so ready to drop expletives on this mother trucker of a blog like samuel jackson with some mother trucking snakes on a mother trucking plane.

& much like human emotion is as fickle as the hearts of males (oh i went there!), the rage isn't occupying my head & hands right now.

but i digress.
out of this lifetime, i want two things, & by 'this lifetime', i actually mean 'the next ten minutes'. one being french mudcake, & two being urination. as an early christmas present to myself, i have been paying in installments for a generous case of DIABETES! want...mud...cake...now...

you know what, clarity really isn't on my side, so i'mma assault (& a-pepper) some viewing eyes before i skedaddle.

here is an image of me being coy & persistent & downright clingy. the second picture is just a zooom.


higher-res is available for consumption on flickr.

aaaaand two 'outtakes' or images i didn't use:



unexpectedly most substantial word in the history of my ever is 'babycakes'. totally rocking my world, fat-boulder on a dingy sailboat style. i'll tell you when you're older.

& i have pictures from ausone sydney youchoob gathering schmathering which i may put up. or not.