indulgennnnnt.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

short & superficial



went to le bull last night because rose demanded that we partake in the viewing pleasure of her guitar idol, who was on drums that night. my ears are still ringing, but it could quite possibly just be my electric fan & the jarring sounds of the neighbours' pavement being, you know, re-paved.

matty of the rockstar variety was also in my vicinity by fluke, i say, fluke! he had the set before rose's to catch... this odd timing business is wickedinsane.

anyway, happysnaps of rose, nerida & i:




aaaaand, nerida looks like cate blanchett...yes yes oh yay?!

self-reflection & the subsequent waaa waaas



the lack of blogging is not an indication of the dullness of my world & the lack of worthy things to write bout. if anything, it's the exact opposite.

since my last post, i've started about five separate entries on five separate occasions, with fingers itching to spill spill spill & preserve words, emotions & the whiteness of afterthoughts. the thing is, i take this process of preservation very seriously (lame, i know). much like the egyptians just couldn't skip brain-extractions-through-nostrils & proper embalming, & still call it 'mummification', i can't just write one dismissive sentence on things momentous & expect to feel fulfilled with my blogging quota.

if i can't write about something with the depth & the justice it needs, i'd much rather scrap it to the legions of my memory instead. aaaaaand this is probably (& unsurprisingly) called being obsessive compulsive in most modern societies, BUT THIS IS JUST HOW THIS NIKSTER TICKS, OKAY.

anyway, last week i was privy to something momentous, something set in motion through my own accord. it took a lot of sleepless nights of fine tuning of words, anxiety, tears, but most of all, conviction. it wasn't momentous for what it was; it was momentous because for once, i acted on something i believed in. complete honesty is a terrifying thing... but as fulfilling in its wake.

i did establish that this was going to be a long post, but i'm much too drained to even get to the guts of what this post was going to be about. in order to really clear my head & start fresh with this new year, i wanted to list & acknowledge the things that are weighing me down, as well as list & acknowledge the things that will keep me optimistic this new year. maybe tomorrow. it's for my personal clarity, more than anything.

for now, i leave with the enthralling parting words of, "I WANT MY GYM GLOVES BACK".
i left my gloves at the gym several weeks ago, & proceeded to check lost & found the next day. no luck. the other day, my mother saw someone wearing my sweaty, bacteria-ridden, iron-pumping gloves.

i fully emphasise that they were my gloves because i bought them overseas two years ago & hence that style was & is not procurable in australia. :(

speaking of endorphins, eating gives me the same kind of satisfaction as working out. the following are visual representations of what i ate & what i didn't eat at the bakery's christmas party dinner. the chicken rigattoni in spinach cream sauce was absolutely divine! & the chocolate drenched waffle & my mouth missed the chance at some sweet, sweet procreation because i stupidly ordered the apple & rhubarb crumble... which tasted like crappy porridge, & hence, does NOT deserve a picture. hmph.




& because people are sometimes fun to look at, here is rose hiding behind her hands because apparently she likes monkeys (her shirt told me so), plus renata & i being gangster, or maybe just odd.




& ONE MORE THING.
david who approached me today, if you're reading this, which you probably aren't, thank you very much for conversation. i can't tell you how much i appreciated a little boost of faith in humanity (:

basically, at work, this man (to be later known as david), approached the counter & said, "you're hilarious!" i assumed he had seen me dancing & prancing around the bakery, generally fulfilling the dictionary definition of 'strange'. instead, he spoke of how i had served him the other day & how i looked familiar & it clicked when he saw my face on youtube. he was just incredibly encouraging & lovely & telling me to quit wasting my time at the bakery & get the hell on out to where i can play with talents. it was just unexpected & refreshing. in all honesty, i have been feeling sensitive about all the recent negativity on my videos mainly because of the circumstances i've got on my plate at the moment. the straw may be almost weightless, but eventually there will be the one that breaks the back. my inability to brush nasty words aside with grace are these straws right now, & as superficial as this may sound, david's validation & dismissal of those people... could not have come at a better time.

anyway, exhausted, exhausted.
one fourteen a.m. & i need to get up bright & early to do some laundry before i jet off to le bakery. again. i used to love christmas until i started working in retail. ugh. happy freaking thursday.

i just sneezed all over my keyboard.


acquired ze green p's just in time for ze approaching christmukkah season! that's right, my baby greens shit all over your red p's & yellow l's. i can legally drive ten km's higher than previously allowed, oh mirth & rapture! (i don't want to hear anything from all you full gold-licensed beasts. I WILL THROW YOUR BALD PATCHES & WRINKLES IN YOUR FACES, old cretens!)

anyway, i was ragingly fired up last night. about circumstance. about honesty & it's complete lack thereof. & i was so ready to drop expletives on this mother trucker of a blog like samuel jackson with some mother trucking snakes on a mother trucking plane.

& much like human emotion is as fickle as the hearts of males (oh i went there!), the rage isn't occupying my head & hands right now.

but i digress.
out of this lifetime, i want two things, & by 'this lifetime', i actually mean 'the next ten minutes'. one being french mudcake, & two being urination. as an early christmas present to myself, i have been paying in installments for a generous case of DIABETES! want...mud...cake...now...

you know what, clarity really isn't on my side, so i'mma assault (& a-pepper) some viewing eyes before i skedaddle.

here is an image of me being coy & persistent & downright clingy. the second picture is just a zooom.


higher-res is available for consumption on flickr.

aaaaand two 'outtakes' or images i didn't use:



unexpectedly most substantial word in the history of my ever is 'babycakes'. totally rocking my world, fat-boulder on a dingy sailboat style. i'll tell you when you're older.

& i have pictures from ausone sydney youchoob gathering schmathering which i may put up. or not.