babyfreakingporridge.: bestiality

Showing posts with label bestiality. Show all posts

the usual lack of sense.

Apparently it is nearing two weeks since my last blog post, for which I owe an incredibly large thank-you. You are all darlings; I am absolutely appreciative & overwhelmed by your generosity in the comments. I feel like a bald man narrowly escaping root-canal! Like a sticky-date pudding devoured by Natalie Portman herself! Simply put, I am chuffed. Thank you.

Now, I have a few things to get off my chest, much like one might like to get a car off her chest in the event of being pinned under one after a collision. Without further delay, here are some scintillating dot points:

* I don't quite know how else to put this, but I may or may not be a little bit partial to bestiality. My first recollection of lusting after an animal was upon watching Remus Lupin's werewolf form in Harry Potter 3 (it was the werewolf-biceps & muscular hind-legs, I swear).

I dismissed this as an erratic, newly-pubescent fancy. Nearing the finality of adolescence, however, I don't think I can claim my insatiable lust for Wolverine on those same terms.

Whatever the case though, I don't think I'm very discriminant of prospective life partners. I am the freaking McDonalds of equal opportunity!

* I SAW KATE MILLER-HEIDKE LIVE & IF I HAD IT MY WAY, I'D USE HER LIKE I DO SHAMPOO - rinse, lather & repeat! I'm incapable of doing anything else other than gushing when epic songwriting meets phenomenal stage presence meets precise delivery meets effortless operock. (Yes, I absolutely made that awkward term up right now.) Also at one point, husband & guitarist - Keir snapped a crowd shot for her twitter. Um. I may not have trampled a few babies & elbowed a few undeserving pelvises to make myself immortalised in her digital camera.

* I am sore in the places that count. I managed to exercise six out of seven days in the past week. I'm talking cycling class, pump class, combat class, jogs, core-strengtheners & weights, you mudcrabs! However, I also managed to null & void all my hearty efforts in yesterday's (& today's) Marsbar-cheesecake & White+Dark chocolate mousse rampage. DELICIOUUUUUS. Have I mentioned I'm hopeless? Add to that, predictable. I binge on terrible things & invariably feel an overwhelming sense of guilt & the need to e-complain about how the scales are being stubborn. I am the best vicious-cycle evaaar!

* I have finally reached a plateau in my life that combines an unparalleled sense of achievement with some simultaneous directional clarity. All from this comment:

There IS light at the end of my proverbial tunnel of eternal celibacy! If I work really hard on toning down my unsuccessful wit and obnoxious charm, generous men on the internet are willing to overlook the rest of my flaws for my own personal gratification! Karma is obviously kind to me; I didn't realise life could be so fulfilling!

* I had about four more dot-points to throw in your general direction, but luck is on your side, dear readers. This entry terminates prematurely! Now.