checking in

It has come to my attention that:
a) This blog has undergone some serious neglect like Jessica Simpson's torso, &
b) I would like to make an apology to Jessica Simpson for crafting analogies at the expense of her weight & possibly self-esteem. I will have consolation in the fact that she will never read this.

Now, if you are of the Nikki Malvar variety, this post may be relevant as a documented archive of recent thoughts & occurrences. If you are not of the Nikki Malvar variety, however, this post may be as useful to you as a dead fly in your expensive lobster bisque.

So here, things & stuff:

1) I watched Coldplay & they were phenomenal. To make further comment would be a grievous understatement of their performance, & would be an injustice (almost) worse than poverty!

2) In the past two weeks, I have consumed more cereal than in my whole life combined. Why? Because I hate cereal with as much hate as tastebuds can muster, & I have been clinging to this very idea for the past nineteen years... Up until my ma introduced me to the sexual revolution that is Sanitarium's 'Light N Easy'! (Hot damn, product placement! :-O)

3) I think Rihanna is an idiot. The previous sentiment has been slashed out after considering the uproar that might possibly have ensued for its lack of tact. I have instead decided to say, "I think Rihanna needs to get the hell on out of that relationshit with Chris BrownBlackNBluiser". I realise I don't know these people personally, & frankly never will. I realise that there is emotional investment & a previous history, I realise this, I do. But Rihanna dear, aside from domestic violence as being, you know, illegal, the fact that he hurts you is demonstrative of his disrespect. The fact that you stay for this kind of treatment is indicative of your own lack of self-respect. Walking away is undobtedly difficult, but you are worth more than sticking around to be the black, blue & red paint of some retarded artist's canvas.

I don't even like you, Rihanna, but I am willing to teach you a thing or two about the Japanese art of Origami. & a little side of roundhouse kicks & uppercuts.

4) I have a small bruise on my left thigh, also from my favourite lover. Incidentally, I will not be taking my own advice because it is with firm resolve that I will stay in this physically-driven affair. FITNESS FIRST, I STILL LOVE YOU DESPITE THE FACT THAT I WALK INTO YOUR EQUIPMENT ON ACCOUNT OF I AM CLUMSY.

5) I cook a damn good mushroom risotto. Future husbands of mine ought to be fond of carbohydrates because risotto is the only damn good thing I can make, aside from the occasional microwaveable canned soup.

6) My recent guilty pleasure has taken shape as Katy Perry. My musical sensibilities dictate that I can only like the Debussys & the Chris Cornells of the world! But oh sweet Jesus, the infectious pop has found a place in my heart, like heroin in the bloodstream! Like undigested gum in the bowels! YERRR LIKE IN AN INDIANNN SUMMAAAR IN THA MIDDAL OF WINTAAAAR!

7) My mother's Caesar salad is delicious. If I had a Caesar salad rank board, it totally sits in the top ten . Also, I may have tasted maybe all of eight Caesar salads in my life. Delicious, I say!

8) I am entirely frustrated with university & everything associated with academic responsibility. Each subsequent journalism class I attend just confirms how this is not the profession I want to enter. It's hard news, straight-cut reporting & chasing the important kahoonas for their two cents worth, & I am a lady of embellishments &, at best, a trembling sack of shit. I'm in my final year, & at the end of this year, I will have a degree in Communications, which hopefully I will not need to use. Come on artistic breakthroughs, come to mama! I am terrified of the big bad world of post-studies employment. The recession isn't doing much to appease this weary heart either.

Oh dear.


  1. I don't know what to comment on, because there was so much :-)

    Let me just say that a woman of your talents will not only not need a degree, which none-the-less will be nice to have, to get a job, but you will also not be without a job, recession or not.

    Good people will always get hired.

    Btw. Jealous of your Coldplay experience like whoa.

  2. Judge me now. I love Chris Brown's music but dude the only wife beater that's possibly acceptable is an undershirt.

    I wanna see Coldplay but I don't know anybody that likes Coldplay enough to go to a concert of theirs therefore haven't seen them live. Dammit, I need to join you for some Coldplay goodness. Now somebody to go to small scale rap concerts by big name rap artists is what I need.

    I love carbohydrates, so could I be one of your lucky future divorcees.

    Don't be discouraged about deadlines. I've just had to write 2 essays in the last week and a half. I was lacking mental competence earlier today. I enjoy learning, even the reading. Writing is monotonous and pain inducing.

  3. one more thing. I forgot entirely what I was gonna write originally.
    The only person I've ever known to do the pull my finger thing is a friend of my dad's from this place called Prince George. He farts when it happens.

    When I was a kid he told me that Dutch people are famous for farting. I told an apparently Dutch teacher this fact when I was a kid. I ended up in the principal's office and a call home. Only time that happened.

  4. It seems to me that you are too busy --thinking, reading, writing, traveling,worrying, etc. So you should relax and have more sex. Sexual activity releases endorphins and other feel good hormones and depending on your level of enthusiasm you can burn a lot of calories during sex and gain the stress management benefits of a healthy mind and of exercise as well.

  5. oook so I'm not going to leave a odd sexual comment or give you false hopes of success because you're a good person BUT what I will say is that even though you are having the realization that journalism isn't the right fit for you (I'm also majoring in journalism btw) I have no doubts that you'll find what you're looking for. It all comes with life experience and I seriously don't know why people think that teenagers or people in their early twenties can seriously figure out what they want to do for the rest of their lives you only find out by living and at that age not many people have. Anyways! Without sounding TOO cheesy, you definitely do have a lot of talent and the awesome thing is you aren't wasting it. You show it here and on the tubes of the you and through singing and photography. Seriously Nikki, the arts and you were meant to be with each other and I really hope things work out for you. You don't want to end up like those lifeless drones who never went after their goals and settled for something that wasn't right for them. SO yeah, longest comment in my LIFE and you better succeed because I didn't make you that freakin video response of praise for nothing! Btw the special word to get this comment through is "nuffin" lol...ok cya

  6. 1. the news on the grapevine is that j simpson is no longer of the curvy variety.

    2. katy perry i also like. guilty pleasure.

    3. CARBS!!!

    4. gym to work off the carbs. do you know how to use those apparatus that aid you in strengthening or hammys or or oblique. i want to use but dont want to look like a tool.

  7. I would've thought with a name like porridge you would have loved cereal of all kinds?

    But no.

    Also, the 2-finger method. Nice.

  8. Did they play Parachutes and Green Eyes? I love when Andrew played Parachutes on guitar, heey you should cover that song. It's D by the way, 'damn you Nikki!' haha
    anyway, yeaaah taking that Journalism class took away all my desires to pursue journalism as a career, taking the cannons of journalism into consideration... everyone seems to be unethical.

  9. mushroom risotto! :O


  10. This is the best adive I can give you.

    Remember to breathe,
    because if you do not breathe, you will die of suffocation.
    No one wants that.

    So just BREATHE :).

    This is good calming music I found just an hour ago,
    Magical Musical Box Mix by Greg Acid Girls

  11. I just found you on Youtube, and I'm almost certain I love you.

  12. Nikki, it's Diana I can't follow you, what do I do?@


    Every thing I hear from you just makes me fall deeper and deeper in love. You are so... you. And unique, and creative, and delicious, and INTERESTING.

    Now that I'm one of these here "bloggers," I plan to continue my stalking of your beautiful face and wit to the xxcore.