My head, nose, throat & gut are all conspiring against the idea of 'wellness'. Terse words, so all you get is a contrived picture. I am diseased. MAYBE I WILL DIE TOMORROW, sweet.

Posted in: ailment, babyporridge, disease, nikki malvar, picturepost, webcam on Monday, May 18, 2009 at at 11:57 PM 6 comments  

I hate to start out a blog entry like a whiney, maladjusted teenager complaining about the petty trivialities of life, but as it turns out I HAVE EXACTLY THREE MONTHS LEFT to milk this sentiment, so milk it I will.

I am miserable right about now. If you have assumed larger thigh, gut & arm diameters as the culprits of said misery, then clearly the world makes no humans more astute than you!


According to the official tone of mother's bathroom scales, I am six pounds heavier than I was at this time last month. My clothes fit more snugly than necessary, my face is fuller than Miley Cyrus's ego, & I just feel generally more sluggish. This is not a ploy for sympathy, compliments or offers for your leftover ice-cream; in fact, I will disable comments for this post so as not to receive anything of that nature. This is me being genuinely frustrated at my nutritional complacence this month. I love food, lovers pastpresentfuture will collectively attest to feelings of inadequacy in the presence of my greatest love - anything edible. I never deprive myself, but I do subscribe to the mentality of 'eating in moderation'. Frankly, I am just annoyed at my absolute lack of willpower this month. Around the easter chocolates, oreo McFlurries, Red Rock Deli Chips, & abundance of carbscarbscarbs, I had about as much restraint as Sienna Miller at a married men's charity dinner.

Dear Body, I am sorry for being mean. I solemnly swear not to abuse your trust between me & binge-eating tendencies.

On to finer things,
long-time readers of my erratic ramblings may recall Paneer - the ghost in my house I named after a staple(?) of Indian cuisine. Well, it seems as if he has been lonely. So much so that he is inviting friends of his ethnic variation to stay at our house. Apparently there is someone called Suneeta De Silva now living in my house, seeing as Wedding invitations adressed to her are making their way into my mailbox. This is not a case of previous house owner's mail is being sent to the wrong adress. This is the case of placid ghost, but nonetheless still ghost, in my house. You see, there are no previous owners to this house. We built it.

Also, I peeled an eggplant today with my fingers & I must admit it is a most difficult task! Commeting on its incredibly squishy nature, I told my mother, "Good thing breast implants aren't made out of eggplant, hey!" I don't think she was as impressed by my observation as I was.

Just saying.

Posted in: babyporridge, fitness, hungry ghost, indians, more cushion for the pushin, nikki malvar, webcam on Thursday, April 23, 2009 at at 2:39 PM 0 comments  

Posted in: babyporridge, desaturated, nikki malvar, picturepost, self-portrait, webcam on Tuesday, April 21, 2009 at at 1:31 AM 5 comments  

It has come to my attention that:
a) This blog has undergone some serious neglect like Jessica Simpson's torso, &
b) I would like to make an apology to Jessica Simpson for crafting analogies at the expense of her weight & possibly self-esteem. I will have consolation in the fact that she will never read this.

Now, if you are of the Nikki Malvar variety, this post may be relevant as a documented archive of recent thoughts & occurrences. If you are not of the Nikki Malvar variety, however, this post may be as useful to you as a dead fly in your expensive lobster bisque.

So here, things & stuff:

1) I watched Coldplay & they were phenomenal. To make further comment would be a grievous understatement of their performance, & would be an injustice (almost) worse than poverty!

2) In the past two weeks, I have consumed more cereal than in my whole life combined. Why? Because I hate cereal with as much hate as tastebuds can muster, & I have been clinging to this very idea for the past nineteen years... Up until my ma introduced me to the sexual revolution that is Sanitarium's 'Light N Easy'! (Hot damn, product placement! :-O)

3) I think Rihanna is an idiot. The previous sentiment has been slashed out after considering the uproar that might possibly have ensued for its lack of tact. I have instead decided to say, "I think Rihanna needs to get the hell on out of that relationshit with Chris BrownBlackNBluiser". I realise I don't know these people personally, & frankly never will. I realise that there is emotional investment & a previous history, I realise this, I do. But Rihanna dear, aside from domestic violence as being, you know, illegal, the fact that he hurts you is demonstrative of his disrespect. The fact that you stay for this kind of treatment is indicative of your own lack of self-respect. Walking away is undobtedly difficult, but you are worth more than sticking around to be the black, blue & red paint of some retarded artist's canvas.

I don't even like you, Rihanna, but I am willing to teach you a thing or two about the Japanese art of Origami. & a little side of roundhouse kicks & uppercuts.

4) I have a small bruise on my left thigh, also from my favourite lover. Incidentally, I will not be taking my own advice because it is with firm resolve that I will stay in this physically-driven affair. FITNESS FIRST, I STILL LOVE YOU DESPITE THE FACT THAT I WALK INTO YOUR EQUIPMENT ON ACCOUNT OF I AM CLUMSY.

5) I cook a damn good mushroom risotto. Future husbands of mine ought to be fond of carbohydrates because risotto is the only damn good thing I can make, aside from the occasional microwaveable canned soup.

6) My recent guilty pleasure has taken shape as Katy Perry. My musical sensibilities dictate that I can only like the Debussys & the Chris Cornells of the world! But oh sweet Jesus, the infectious pop has found a place in my heart, like heroin in the bloodstream! Like undigested gum in the bowels! YERRR LIKE IN AN INDIANNN SUMMAAAR IN THA MIDDAL OF WINTAAAAR!

7) My mother's Caesar salad is delicious. If I had a Caesar salad rank board, it totally sits in the top ten . Also, I may have tasted maybe all of eight Caesar salads in my life. Delicious, I say!

8) I am entirely frustrated with university & everything associated with academic responsibility. Each subsequent journalism class I attend just confirms how this is not the profession I want to enter. It's hard news, straight-cut reporting & chasing the important kahoonas for their two cents worth, & I am a lady of embellishments &, at best, a trembling sack of shit. I'm in my final year, & at the end of this year, I will have a degree in Communications, which hopefully I will not need to use. Come on artistic breakthroughs, come to mama! I am terrified of the big bad world of post-studies employment. The recession isn't doing much to appease this weary heart either.

Oh dear.

Posted in: babyporridge, caesar salad, carbs, chris brown, coldplay concert, food, mushroom risotto, nikki malvar, rihanna, university, webcam on Tuesday, March 17, 2009 at at 7:55 PM 13 comments