unworthy blogger

So, after just having read Hayley's last post, I feel like an unworthy blogger. I blog about my misadventures and the things I'm obscenely passionate about, which invariably are creative self-expression and fat thighs (more appropriately, the eternal pursuit to remove them from my life). As far as saving the world goes though, what am I doing? I'm vaguely conscious about recycling and I volunteered for a summer at the YMCA as a soft-spoken twelve year old. These token graces are as far as I go in terms of being an environmentalist / humanitarian / good samaritan / relevant human.

I see people on the streets. I read about those people suffering from poverty or carnage. I know that so much stuff of real substance occurs that don't even register on my personal radar of importance. All I can do is briefly feel empathetic and genuinely sorry for people in these sort of circumstances, but I don't do more than that. I haven't gone to a camp for abused children, made a positive impression, and subsequently enriched someone's life for a week. At this point in my life, I can't willingly say that I would consider adopting, much less consider the prospect of having my own offspring. Lots of admiration, Hayls. (Seriously, if you haven't read Hayley's blog yet right now, do so.)

I dunno. I guess I'm just sad that wanting change is not synonymous with actual change. I don't know if I'll be forever afflicted with apathy; I hope not. It's not the thought that counts after all. As they say, the dead are still dead.

There's a lot I don't write about and put up in the public domain. I self-censor a lot of what goes on in my personal life (I know, hard to believe, right?). I like to write about lighthearted things, and if I do touch on something a little more poignant, I'll stay vague. I'm sorry that this post deviated from the structure, but at the same time I addressed something that needed to be addressed. But my penchant for the lighthearted means that I will forever be an unworthy blogger with no real address to the relevant things of today's society. Hate it when I'm being a confused downer? YEAH, YOU AND ME BOTH!

Back to my typical non-riveting, regular musings. I know this totally defeats the aforesaid paragraphs, but eh. Like I said, I like to chronicle the lighthearted things.

So I went to dinner and The Butterfly Effect gig last night, and went snap-happy. In the following images, you will see my dinner also known as Pad Thai Prawn, the faces of Nerida, Rose, Crystal and myself, and Rose's conceptual artwork more aptly called 'Rice on a table'.

This is the view from where we were. That's right, those two heads you see are made of finite human flesh.

I didn't bring my zoom lens, so no close-ups of faces mid money-note, no heaving drummer pecs and the like. I should note that I learned of the art form of timing precision since I had to time my 'clicks' in the split-seconds when the two side-bobbing heads in front of me bobbed out of my frame. I also may or may not have stolen Zab's watermark style.

Now please make sense of the following two pictures, as the implication creeps me the truck out. Disregard the awkward poses; working with the allotted seconds of self-timer in the wee hours of the morning is not my strong suit. I remember having such a hard time keeping my eyes open. I attributed it to dry contacts. If you look at these, my face is considerably fuzzy. WHAT THE TRUCK. Is that a ghost sitting on my face?! HALP.


  1. Mhm, death curse face blur. There it is.
    Been messing with the netherworld lately? Tomb raiding perhaps?

  2. Cheer up Ms. Porridge, we can't all be HayleyGHoover :) and I think you're doing a damn fine job providing insight and thoughts while excluding too personal things. That's a gift.

  3. I always censor my personal life's ups and downs as well. Even though I know no one cares if I spew some love-vomit, I still feel awkward. Because it's always gonna be there on my blog floor, waiting to be cleaned up. The stench gets overwhelming, and frankly, it's pretty gross.

  4. YOU, ma'am, need to do us all a favor and stfu with all your I'm-such-a-bad-person-waaah crap. I happen to know for a fact that YOU are unbelievable and purely good. I read your blog and long to be a little bit more Nikki.

  5. hey Nikki.

    there are plenty of people prognosticating in the blog space about the bad things and suffering in the world. This is going to sound really condescending but seriously, sometimes it's good to be young and isolated from these things if you can be, constant awareness of all the pain in the world can seriously challenge the spirit. you are creative and having fun, and the important thing is not to take it for granted. it's an old cliche but so true, that it's important to be grateful for the opportunities you have, and the time and context you're in now. (not feel guilty, but feel grateful). not to say that I reckon your life is somehow simple or all roses of course, I know you have awareness and understanding of heavy things, just based on your poetry and other creative statements. As far as not spilling your guts here, who says you need to ? I (like many others too I'm sure) like to visit here because I know you are talented and sharp and funny, and it makes you all the more appealing.

    I like your shots there especially the bottom one (6493), thinking of the the low lighting conditions with movement, lack of tripod, not to mention the bobbing heads :)

    just keep being what you want to be here. there isn't an "aught".

    p.s. I liked your salad there it made me smile, even if it is a little creepy ;)

  6. Here is the best advice I can think of with my feeble brain. Don't compare yourself with others and feel bad that you aren't making the same contributions they are making. No one is required to jump head first into the troubles of the world and the people who do make the jump, do it because to them, it's something deep and personal. If it isn't deep and personal to you, do what IS deep and personal. Not everyone is meant to be a huge humanitarian. Just like not everyone is meant to be an artist. I didn't care about anything when I was 19, so who knows what will influence you years from now.

    One last thing. I'm positive that you've helped more people than you will ever realize. All because you aren't running in and out of burning buildings carrying 10 people on your back, doesn't mean that you haven't made an impact you crazy person.

  7. Just do your best to live in a way that you can be pleased about. Be a positive presence to those around you. Changing lives and leaving an impact isn't always marked by building dedications and foundations that help facilitate change. Knowing when to censor yourself is a skill that should be developed. The problem with that is that sometimes you might censor yourself when you really should speak out. Be open to new ideas but always screen for the inherent bias of any person you know or will meet.

    Protesters get on my nerves. It's just that growing up in Vancouver, there's a lot of activists. Activists from outside Vancouver + Greater Vancouver come into town sometimes to protest here too. A lot of them just seem like fear mongers. They're displeased with how things are and they're looking for something or someone to blame such as, I don't know. The concept of Globalization. They solely focus their attention on the corporate + governmental aspects of an issue but they totally disregard the social benefits to that community.

    Activists usually come across as Politicians without a political party affiliation. I've read plenty about activists in this area that entirely dropped their previous major "cause" once they get a nom for a city council position, or a provincial government political party opportunity.

    Did I mention that they inconvenience both vehicular and pedestrian traffic. Alright, that one is true but it's another of my bad attempts at sarcasm online.

    just be yourself. Be intelligent, quirky, funny, random, critical, or whatever else crosses your mind.
    Everyone has to decide what their purpose will be. It will change, you'll change. Just remember that everything that happened before made you who you are today. The question is do you like who and what you are? If not, change and don't worry too much about how other people preoccupy themselves with their time.

  8. If you are toying with the humanitarian idea, I'd recommend checking out AYAD (Australian Youth Ambassadors for Development) - my sister is in Laos helping village kids at the moment through that program.

    Glad to see you got dragged along to the Butterfly Effect! I ended up pretty bruised from their moshpit on friday (and hoarse from singing). But it was well worth it ;)

    Have a good one