toilet humour

In today's blog, we will attempt to cover the most pressing of society's questions, such as "What one does when one is at uni hours before when necessary?" & "In the first place, why is one at uni hours before the necessary time?"

These are questions I ask myself on a daily basis, & by 'daily', I might actually mean 'today, Wednesday, the 8th of April'.

You see, when one is car-less, on account of being rear-ended & having to deposit said car at smash repairs, one then relies on scabbing lifts off unsuspecting parental figures who LEAVE ATROCIOUSLY EARLY IN THE MORNING... Okay, so maybe not quite that atrocious, but this here is my blog & I can be as ungratefully-turdy as I please...! :D

Perhaps I will take this opportunity to recount yesterday's epic(ally shameful) public toilet incident.

So, I'm in the cubicle, doing as I do, & I notice that the cubicle door floats slowly towards me. When I remember that ghosts don't actually have concrete edges, I come to the next logical conclusion that it is actually not a ghost, but the cubicle door which I forgot to lock. FAIL

I take the opportunity to "BAHAHA" & tell Min (who is waiting by the toilet sinks) about my recent lapse in toilet privacy. It becomes a cathartic moment in my life, & I proceed to chronicle my 'toilet memoir' as she puts it, exclaiming "GOSH DARN THIS IS THE LONGEST PISS OF MY ENTIRE LIFE" & "WOW, IT IS ALSO THE MOST SILENT".

After which she kindly informs me that we were not alone.

When it comes time to enter the big bad world of facing the consequences of the tongue's betrayals, I was totally cool. You know, not turning as red as ketchup but only slightly so like diluted kecthup! The girls have politeness in tow & don't ridicule me (out loud), so I totally had my dignity intact.

Until it came time to washing my hands.

Unable to get in sync with the automatic sensor, I flail madly, & essentially end up receiving a nice cup of shower. I stood under the hand dryer for the next few minutes, to the sounds of Min's laughter & the crumbling of my self-esteem. Needless to say, I made a fine candidate for how to successfully, & not maliciously, impersonate the elite of this world.

But here, in an attempt to validate myself & appear more sensible than reality actually gives me credit for, a picture from tv journalism coursework:

Kay, I don't know how to end this thing more inspiringly than to say, "Eat my shorts!"


  1. *eats shorts*
    Why are you so amusing? And pretty?
    Oh, and silly Australia. It's not early and it's not Wednesday. Stop thinking you can have your own time zone. You're all wrong.

  2. That was the best toilet story I've ever heard. It's cool if you're not fully potty trained. You can meet my parents if you like. They'll end up telling much more humiliating stories about me.
    I'm biologically not potty trained. Beat that, and I already told you why.

    Personally I'd rather be early than late but being on campus anywhere before an hour prior to actually having to be there is ridiculous. An hour can be burned off very quickly without any effort.

  3. lol! That was fantastic! And no worries, I always give a play by play of how I'm doing when I'm having a nice relaxing pee. And those girls shouldn't be talking because you KNOW if they had a long silent pee...they would totally want to tell their friends about it.

  4. Everytime I read your blog, I can hear your voice in my head reading it to me. I should seek help.