i wish i could think up titles that aren't so contrived

I have put on 2kgs in the past week.

Sneaking suspicion tells me that having a sister who now works at Subway & takes home free cookies might not actually be such a thrilling long-term prospect for my gut & thighs. Add the fact that I am a proud owner of a decent stash of Easter chocolate (on account of I make my mother give me an egg hunt every year) & there may or may not be a delectable box of Max Brenner chocolates hanging out in my pantry.

Did I mention the word 'glutton' didn't come into fruition until 1989 when, incidentally, I was born?

Anyway, last night I attended Djordje's 21st, & I totally met the members of my desired family-to-be, by this I totally mean Parkour kids. Also, since when was it even legal for attractive girls to have decent brain skillz?! Yeah, met some of that variety too, & to say "I FELT INTIMIDATED, YO" might be an understatement. BUT, credit where it's due, so this is the part where I say thanks to mein papa for being an absolute sport & driving me roughly 67billion kms, on account of I am inept at life!

Here, obligatory picture with the birthday swine in which I hide half his face with my large head.


Shaun (in black Australian Parkour shirt) was my myspace friend for about a year. & WE MET IN THE FLESH, zomg small world.

& on the thread of birthdays, a happy dedication also goes out to Evan. To commemorate this special event, I am copy + pasting a screenshot of a recent conversation that made me guffaw like dead baby jokes make me guffaw:

On that note, happy birthday to the rest of you April-offpsring. Facebook tells me I have more friends celebrating their exeunts from the womb at this time. WHY are all the parents procreating in July? & more importantly, WHY are parents even procreating at all?! Tough questions, I say.

I think sleep is in order. Goodnight.


  1. First of all, I had to google 2kgs because I'm a foolish American and don't know the conversion into pounds :( Second! You claim to have "gained" weight but I haven't seen any proof in that Ms. Porridge. Has it, in fact, settled into your big toe?? If it has that means your toe is ENORMOUS and I would make it a goal in life to get a picture. On the plus side, I'm almost certain having a freakishly huge toe would help with balance when performing your crazy parkour skillz.

  2. Subway, I've always been more partial to Quiznos

    Egg Hunt - Some of my cousins did one yesterday. Mostly for the 2 toddler ones though. Everybody participated though. I couldn't cuz I witnessed the hiding of the eggs.

    YaY for Cadbury Mini Eggs & Whoppers eggs. I have chocolate weakness.

    Don't try the Big Mac Snack Wrap. It's not a good idea because there's a burger patty in it.

  3. I can't get images of you doing Parkour out of my mind :D

    & stop being sexy and hogging the hot Australian boys haha

    love you <3

  4. Despite your claims that you are falling out of shape, the fact that you're pursuing parkour-level fitness (or at the very least talking about doing so) inspires me very much.

    Stop being so hard on yourself! I don't know the significance of this "2kgs" measurement but I'm quite confident that I have gained more "kgs" than you have in the past month/s.

    So... there.

    Oh, and hi! :)

  5. Intimidated? AS IF. Surely legs buckle when you enter rooms on account of your aura of awesomeness. Now you've mentioned it though, why are all your friends so damn attractive?!

    I tried Googling the question of parentals procreating - no luck - even the wiki gods cannot tell us why......WHY?! *sobbing in hands*